Count My Blessing in Sabah: The Beginning

"A son is like his father. The day I lost my father,  the day I lost myself." It was like that the same feeling I had when I lost my mother. It was the day I lost myself too. I know that feeling very well. Since then,  it I was hard to find myself,  my identity.  The drama Doctor,  couldn't be so real until that line was said by Doctor Hong. It break a wall in me,  making me realised that I am responsible to search for myself again. It make me realised that I could end my grief because I am more alert now,  and conscious of myself. As long as I search for what seem true to me,  I have found myself. As long as I find my own life philosophy,  I have made my identity. I am not lost because I can recreate my life without her,  yet still cherish her and our memories.

Felt embarrassed to be escorted out from the shop by the owner of October cafe. I should have followed my instinct to leave the cafe instead of hoarding a big table to myself for studying. I will never go back again even though the owner meant well to me.

I could say being here in the tuition centre,  is nothing like being any other places,  because it was actually my first time cooking with other teachers in a big group,  not having to separate our jobs,  but taking up and supporting each other,  brings a whole new level of work team.  It was the best experience ever had in a team. Learning from each other through observation,  every class is never the same,  operation is never the same,  being  with people of adaptability &  flexibility,  made my existence ever more fun. That was why I am so happy with this week although the chore could be tiring,  inspiring the kids with food made all learning  fun. I would say I learned so much here than in a cell group,  which is kinda weird.. suppose it should be the other way round? December 10 - I submitted the above picture to Zespri contest and I won Popular Bookstore vouchers worth RM 100!! Lucky me!

I don't understand why but I feel tired....not physically...but spiritually, I am tired of helping people. In a way, i can't help it because it has always been my nature to help others. I used to find joy doing that , but not lately, when I have an urge to leave a place as soon as possible, not wanting to succumb to orders . As a matter of fact, I seem to be hating the place where I am standing. I am always in the position of helping someone my cousin with her tuition centre church- the ministry with the poor and working under a church leader my family - helping my father with housechores if needed church cell group - helping with cleaning and others seem like it is always an endless helping is there any point in time where I would get to lead something?