Count My Blessing in Sabah: The Beginning

I had more than a can of beer tonight 🍺 from shandy to tiger radler to meester. They chilled me as I cracked jokes. Cheered to the new year.. Two days before the countdown.. I ate pork satay dumplings and chicken wing...just like how the Koreans enjoyed drinking with fried chicken. Really what is there to reflect about this year? I just want to empty my glass and fill it with new drink. It could be Shandy, tiger radler or mixture, or trying out a new beer like Meester or going back and forth between those three. Just let go the past and look forward to new things next year. That is what I want for myself next year just like Adele prayed to be successful in every aspect of life be it love, career and health. Hopefully next year could be the new start of academic and love life for me.. I really want that to happen for me. In just less less than two months I will be 32 what a stable number

Thus night  ended in a good note.  Nice soft music gave me good feeling. So glad that I make it to the dinner. Initially I thought  how it would benefit me but with an opened mind, I attended it. It got me dig out my old clothes. Not just any clothes,  it is the traditional like baju kurung. It kept it long in my luggage as I don't need it at formal setting at work when I used to be a government the teacher. After much trying,  am so glad that I could fit into one that was suitable for the event. Another positive side is that it got me being  diligent to put on my makeup. It was worth it to pay attention on myself. The effort paid off as later, upon arriving the banquet, there were to backdrop for guest to pose in for pictures. I took one with my father and kakak. Sometime we need to put a lot of time and effort in order to get to know someone better. From this dinner I finally saw how the hussins band played their music. They rock the night without stru...

So work up today because of tarts preparation. Yip yip hooray to second 100 pieces order of tarts for Christmas Day. This time Christmas falls on Sunday and Monday is a replacement holiday. For the first time, my Rm 60 worth of mug become priceless right after I did a collage of me and my bestie' previous meetings. The tumbler is now a magical memory lane. First thing in the morning, I drove to BWM to get a pack of chocolate chip. It has been awhile since I last made cookies. With the packaging which I discovered in Pelangi bakery, the cookies now have their outlook value worthy of admiration. My first gingerbread house! Did you know that Ikea sells the ginger bread? Oh, just so much fun to be assembling the parts from pre-packed royal icing! I didn't really get the taste of the cookie. I took this challenge just half an hour before the guest arrives to Adele's, my cousin, house.

I was waiting this moment to come and that was allocating a day to shop for gifts as Christmas presents for the tree at home. The way my family and I get gifts for each other is quite peculiar each year. If I have not mentioned before this, this tradition started from initiative of my maid , Inday. Gifts for each family member has become a must. I am surprised that my indifferent brother would also follow along this tradition.  This time, my father and the maid trusted me some money to buy gifts on their behalf for me. With the top up of my money, I made up my mind to shop at Suria Sabah Shopping Mall. I did a detour and walked to Merdeka to get Dad's gift. I really enjoyed my shopping this time because I was learning about myself especially how I made decision for the things I had set in mind to buy for my family member. ' Always buy something that can be a remembrance for the person,' said Inday. She sure has a way to set a rule in this game of exchanging gifts. ...

Since September, I quit buying Starbucks because I couldn't afford one with my current salary. This time, without much thought, I treated myself a cup of Christmas promo Starbuck beverage. I always controlled my urge but today I didn't have any craving but I wanted time alone away from people and from home.. To be a place where I can think alone. I am grateful about this month, the income from private students able to sustained me throughout Christmas and New Year. Then, the occasional tarts order helped in covering car fuel. I could still go about freely in my car. I want to comfortably enjoy this month season with friends. Treat myself a set meal in a restaurant ie Morgan fields / Western Grill. Wear a new clothe . Buy a new pair shoes for CNY. Buy present for my bestie. I am deprived of the things a girl wants, I am still thankful the roof above my head. Just one thing that is not happening now is my career. Fearful 😨 I am about that but I trying my best no...

I just feel like writing, get thoughts out before they disturbed me again and again. My brother is away to KL and it is my second time doing away without him. The first time he was away I missed him very much. While he is away now, this house feels incomplete, however, there is a room for breathing as there is a less of authority in this house. He will be back again tomorrow. I don't quite have good sleep these few days. It is the hormonal season again. Some times I wished I don't have to go through this month and month again. " Dear period, where art thou?" I sneaked away from home and went swimming at Likas stadium on a Sunday for the first time. I love the quiet world in the water where I can let go of my stress and relax my mind. I don't think anything then. I will do it again. Oh dear!! I have one more week to spare at my own account before the new year starts again with the repetitive weekly tutoring hours. I dread the moment to come. Meanwhile, I don...

A team that I used to be a part with has successfully performed tonight's show. I couldn't imagine any other reason for me to be in the show. I am much more comfortable to sit and watched it together with my friends. It was meaningful in its own way despite the typical plot. Just imagining everyone giving their best for four consecutive nights. That is something awe struck for their tenacity and composure. The show helped me to summarized a moment in my life when I couldn't find words to express the feeling which I felt on the day when my mother was in ICU for a major surgery. Nothing could let me save her from her fate. Maybe that explained why my world came tumbling down and nothing not even my dream mattered to me anymore. And when I was so lost, that bright white light shining on me from the spotlight from the stage represent that love from God. He shone His love and glory in me that I was able to stand on my two feet again. Always forgetful and yet take a bi...

If no one knows me, people would think that the boy is my child. I felt like a mother to this child. A deep sense of longing to have my very own offspring cringed my soul. This boy is small, cute and lovely. He got me thinking that maybe I would have a child about the same age as him if I was to be married at age of 28. When I was in Form 3, that was the number I gave as an answer to the naive question which peers threw at each other, thinking about what is life like after school. But the number is long past and I am still single. Do you want to be married? I do want my own family, really. Many friends around me are already with their own kids. I used to be pressured by my peers but when I turned 30 last year, it didn't bother me that much. I seem to have already accept and embrace the changes. I didn't stay away from them but happy to observe,learn and listen to their life stories. I wonder if it is normal to have this feeling. The older I grow the less I think about it. I ...

A place dad mistakenly called Starbucks. It is not my family culture to celebrate Christmas to begin with but I make an effort to do so here. So, today we drove all the way to Upperstar in Bundusan for dinner. I was blessed with 2 food vouchers from this outlet. The set meals offer were amazing. The food were enough for all of us. There were spaghetti carbonara, favourite chicken grill burger, thin crust Hawaiian Delight pizza, chocolate smoothie and two ice lemon tea for a prize value of RM 50. My brother ordered an extra plate called Hungry Burger with a combination of two meats in it. We couldn't finish all the food but we tried after much attempt. While waiting for dad to finish his chocolate smoothie before leaving the table, he spat out tiny pieces of shredded silver paper almost looked like tin foil from far. We were shock at this encounter. Normally we come across situation like flies, ants or bugs in the food, but shining lead? Quickly, Dad called the waiter with a ...

A concert by Shun Ng. Helping out at the merchandise booth - collecting sales for CD. Seeing more faces of the people I know in KK. Invited Kanae and blessed her with dinner from Roots of Adelphi Cafe. A rare experience to have in my list. Songs reminded me of the good times when I was spending Christmas in Rochester, New York when the snow was so white and the weather was really really cold to the bones. I finally thought 'it starting to feel like Christmas.' Christmas this year will begin with active carol singing and attending musical play with friends. Maybe there is also a love in the air...oh wishing for a kiss under the Christmas mistletoe.  From this article, mistletoe is a parasite. Do I believe it , well maybe a little but not entirely when it comes to knowing that it is a parasite. What am saying is to hope for love this season. Would there be more between us ?

Dinner at Welcome Restaurant, Bundusan. Left the dinner at 7.30 pm during blackout. Actually I was looking forward to meet someone outside of the family member. I want to spend the one week break memorable. Then two days before the last day wrapping up work, also a busy day to Children's Program, there then at home, while Kanae was searching information on the computer, on her side I WhatsApp with Sis Doreen. She break the news and asking if she could visit KK. I totally said yes to her because it was a good time when I am free. That happens and so many memorable things to remember about her visit. Even while I am writing this, the feeling from the past 5 days were fresh as I recalled the times when we had so much fun eating,getting together, visiting elders and catching up over good food. I am happy to see Sis Doreen and her family. Her daughters and I got closer together this time because the holiday made everyone gathered together without thinking about work or school....

5 December: I have received the result of the interview. I wasn't  chosen and it didn't meant for me anywhere because of the condition and term of the work. wowowowowoow what just happened? All the adrenaline and what not! It was so overwhelming but I kept my cool. I find that doing interview through Skype wasn't that bad at all. I think it went well. Even if it didn't, I just enjoyed the experience of doing an interview online. I was able to look into the web camera lense , and because of that, I didn't stutter as much compared to speaking to a person in the face!!! Yikes~~~~ I just want to scream~~~

The effect of sleeping in my niece's pink room. Day 1 I was chasing after evils and saw someone used power from a bed to cast the evil out. Day 2 I dreamt that my feet had scars and wounds. Day 3 I dreamt a situation where I was with Wong and married into his family. Only to feel the distance between us after that. Interpretation : 1. The bed where I am sleeping has dreaming magic. 2.  Probably it meant that I was going shopping for a long time. 3. Not sure about this.

What is joy if not... 1. sharing your gift with others like baking tarts for university students 2. investing time without asking in return to the less fortunate (refugees in Sembulan) and seeing the journey crafted from the effort 3. mingling with like minded people with a heart to serve 4. sharing the extra you have like how Sharly shared her coupon with me in a Bazaar day. The joy of buying things,  without calculative, for  self and loved ones. 5. acknowledginng someone else's hard work and contribution like increase of pay so many good things happened because of after listening to the sermon called Revelation about our hearts being moved by Spirit and not feeling like we are striving in life.

This might be the end of our class. Thinking back,  I am glad that I gave it a shot when nobody else does. It is as expected of me.  It is so important to give yourself a credit for the things you did even though you feel that it meant nothing. I had dwelt too long in this mindset that I am not important in this community. I believer God has prepared a greater thing.  That is double fold of the class,  would come for my attention.

After a day's work (thank God to His grace and strength),  I am able to write this entree about memories with my bestie again. This one is written after a day when I sent her to the airport. So,  I hope to record the fresh details of her visit here before they slowly fades away.  When I look back at this entree,  I hope to be reminded and recalled things that we used to do,  say,  laughed or worried. Where should I start from? Hmm... oh yes!!  While writing this,  I am facing the dress that is hanging on the door. I left it there readily as an attire to Sunday service morning..seeing it reminds me of Wei Li.  She came in time for my comfort and joy. We went to shopping at Imago.  The mall is always my favourite place to go after church.  The last time I've been there was with my father for a movie. I used to go there alone but I stop doing so when I promise myself to only go shopping with a friend. I love checking out apparels ...

Today's sermon by Pastor Philip was about miracle. Usually I am not very sensitive about this title but today it disturbed me very much. The pastor describe 5 points to receiving miracle. He also shared about how he received his first miracle in his family,  when God brought back his daughter to life. He seem to press on about how we should continue to believe and have faith that Jesus does miracle. I felt a sense of unfairness because I questioned why wasn't there a miracle happened when I also had prayed very hard, sought God,  attended healing talks,  yet mom also left. Did I not do enough to step out and receive His miracle? I couldn't take in the sermon anymore and so I left the hall,  not wanting to date my inner conflict relating to miracle. It is wasn't that I didn't believe the existence of miracle, but I do, it was that my heart seem cold towards a faith that I deserve a miracle. I know mom is doing well up there with Him. I just feel indifferent to t...

"A son is like his father. The day I lost my father,  the day I lost myself." It was like that the same feeling I had when I lost my mother. It was the day I lost myself too. I know that feeling very well. Since then,  it I was hard to find myself,  my identity.  The drama Doctor,  couldn't be so real until that line was said by Doctor Hong. It break a wall in me,  making me realised that I am responsible to search for myself again. It make me realised that I could end my grief because I am more alert now,  and conscious of myself. As long as I search for what seem true to me,  I have found myself. As long as I find my own life philosophy,  I have made my identity. I am not lost because I can recreate my life without her,  yet still cherish her and our memories.

Felt embarrassed to be escorted out from the shop by the owner of October cafe. I should have followed my instinct to leave the cafe instead of hoarding a big table to myself for studying. I will never go back again even though the owner meant well to me.

I could say being here in the tuition centre,  is nothing like being any other places,  because it was actually my first time cooking with other teachers in a big group,  not having to separate our jobs,  but taking up and supporting each other,  brings a whole new level of work team.  It was the best experience ever had in a team. Learning from each other through observation,  every class is never the same,  operation is never the same,  being  with people of adaptability &  flexibility,  made my existence ever more fun. That was why I am so happy with this week although the chore could be tiring,  inspiring the kids with food made all learning  fun. I would say I learned so much here than in a cell group,  which is kinda weird.. suppose it should be the other way round? December 10 - I submitted the above picture to Zespri contest and I won Popular Bookstore vouchers worth RM 100!! Lucky me!

I don't understand why but I feel tired....not physically...but spiritually, I am tired of helping people. In a way, i can't help it because it has always been my nature to help others. I used to find joy doing that , but not lately, when I have an urge to leave a place as soon as possible, not wanting to succumb to orders . As a matter of fact, I seem to be hating the place where I am standing. I am always in the position of helping someone my cousin with her tuition centre church- the ministry with the poor and working under a church leader my family - helping my father with housechores if needed church cell group - helping with cleaning and others seem like it is always an endless helping is there any point in time where I would get to lead something?

I had feared that Charis and Chris would not remember or feel close to me anymore. Today proof my thought wrong. Every second has been filled with laughter and joy and they still welcome and remembers me. Some moments was filled with old memories. I knew that this was the place to be,  remembering my glorious days of courage and struggle and energetic life. I have few more days to enjoy or returning to places where I have been before.

least to expect that I would get to learn a skill from my dad. It was about spending time with him in order to know the trade for wrapping the mangoes with plastics. it wasnt climbing up, but it was the smart method of figuring out a way to wrap them using a tying method. Wrappy them was another skill too. I learn that quality time with dad was rewarding and satisfying. Funny moment to see my dad relax his feet on the ladder with the newspaper. It was worth it and he deserve it. This is how i value the mangoes more. I shall protrect these trees of decades old.

waking up to a phone call from a cousin, the clock showed 4.30 am. 5 minutes rolling left and right, i finally dragged my feet to the toilet.  Gotten ready, breakfast and drying the clothes out at 5 am, I found myself looking at the dark streets of Damai area. After picking up Vivian, I saw how the walk up the bukit was blurry in darkness.  The staircase to heaven was a torture. Once I used to be able to climb without stopping, today I stopped at 4 times along it. Then, to my horror, my left leg tensed up.  we only saw the sunrise half way on top. To compensate for the lost, we took crazy pictures with the mount KK behind us and the wild grass. It was in 2009 that I could conquer the hill, but not today.

today drove inday and dad to the sulaiman immigration ticketing office popular express travel exchange currency at centrepoint lunch at the corner kopitiam shop nap whole emotional

Surely I could get to sleep without first flushing guy heart and thoughts out in words. I had so much fun with  Alex today.  It was expected because I like his personality. I knew I could be comfortable around him and just be myself. The moments that I found precious was his excitement for new things and walking around in his sarong.  He is like a kid. Trying out food with him was interesting.  It seemed though we are always attracted to food. I think he would be a good food traveller partner. Today I also had the opportunity  to become a tourist myself. Taking  picture with the wall graffiti behind us. It is my first time! It was also my first time trying out food at Grace Point and the places was recommended by my dad,  of all people lol. Out of the 5 lists I made,  two of it was completed.  It felt like a mission. 

I reached home at 2 pm. A venture that supposed to be short, turned out that 7 hours for a trip from KK to Membakut, unconsciously took us more of our attention and time. It was not that we wasted our time but we had enjoyed our time together in the flow moment. it is scary to know how many years had past and all that was left were the people who came to see the dead by visiting the tombstone. ta go loves talking and some times I learn something or two from her. For example, the dead could left silent or unknown if its tombstone was gone or disappeared (or none at all). No one would know if the small land is occupied or not. It is pretty sad though if the dead has no more family members or relatives to visit them. No one knows the reason why it is like that. One assumption could be that they all also had past away or forgotten or unaware of their existence. My first time visiting our great grandparents, I am the fourth generation, the journey was like a cleansing process. In so...

Monday ended so soon! I was late for badmintion with friends at 6 pm. I left office at 5.30 pm. I arrived aout 6.20 pm and played with Yit Fung and Iris. They liked it this time. I pray that the group continue grow. :) I only could vision them playing not seriously.

I can't stop myself from admiring these pairs. I came by church a shortwhile to catch a glimpse of their act in the second service. I just wanted to see if the props went well with their acting or not.It turned out good! Too bad that I didn't get to take a picture with the two Roman guards. Lol!

Ching Ming : Mom's Gravesite & Ta Go's Today, I came to know that Ta Go's husband burial site is also at the same place as where mom was buried. She have been visiting the hill for 15 years and counting. I thought to myself, mom's passing barely past 2 years and I gave myself a back pat for surviving the first year when my memories of losing was so fresh that it tore every pieces of me. This year, I am just building myself up again and slowly making dreams not a year ahead but day by day. And today, initially I thought it was going to be sentimental, it was not that strong when I saw how many people also went up the hill to visit their respective sites. It turned out that burden of lost can be be shared among relatives and  Picture: Seeing the two figures slowly appearing behind the downhill stairs, each step reminded of the journey each of us take and today, it was about counting the days of life and death. Dad used the hoe to get rid of th...

How can I describe my life now? Is it a downhill?  Who is to judge my life? The society,  myself or Lord? Indeed,  I turned down a work opportunity in Penang.  I packed my things and move back to KK for good.  It was not for good.  I know some day,  after I am over with my Master program,  I will pack up again and leave for good.  I will never to return to KK. It is not that life isn't good here.  I don't see myself growing here. It is not easy to be scrutinised by the society especially those closeness ones around me.  Dad was happy that I came back and being around him but he had to swallowed his pride just because my position is no where to be proud of.  Till now,  I don't remember being praised 'well done'  for finishing my degree in USA.  Now,  despite the desire to quit on Master,  I have to go on because of my dad.  So,  here really draw the line and the burden for me.  I am doin...

It is good some times to have a moment to myself. Stop and observed my surroundings. Has things really changed? What have I learned for the past 7 months? I know I have been consistent with badminton.  The group is bigger now. I gained new friendships with young and old. What about my career? Family? In a way I understood the way my family works... In a way I achieved my goal to be employed... In a way I have a group of tuition , though not in big number... In a way, I learnt Korean on my own... Shouldn't all this be considered a progress than before...where I felt unfamiliar and not fitting in this society... It is all good... But master degree was just a back up in case I have not started my ground ...that was a safety net. Would it be a waste not to work on it? Then why do I still feel this are difficult?

Our first lunch with a colleague of IEC at sinsuran sang nyuk mien after a long one year. No wonder I feel peaceful about it.

What is this? Awhile ago, I was praising God for the opportunity given to work in IEC. Now, why do I reach a juncture to decide between IEC and 'being my own boss'. My state of this moment is both calm and sad. Calm because I know the answer I want. Sad because of the people who I am about to disappoint once I take the decided action. It is really difficult to decide where I am right now. I have just written a short paragraph stating my regret of not wishing to continue at IEC. Earlier, I couldn't come to this decision until I had confided in my cousin, Ronan. He was a really good person to do soundboard with. He helped me to see what area I had been compromising in my life. He helped me to see past current moment and relate back to my values from the start. I saw how earlier this year, wanting to continue to build on my academic background and also an opportunity to be my own boss. I also saw how taking this current job would mean compromising my time for Master. It ...

While driving, a thought strike me about how a year is about to round up by the end of this month. This time last year, I took the bold step of leaving my job at TFM. My one year stunt is coming to and end. I took the risk and here I am writing about my excitement over a new job tomorrow. How did I spend this year? How much was it based on faith and trust in the Lord? I cured my itchy feet. I worked for a goal. I threw everything away and started scratch. I spent 6 months resting. Is it enough? Well, God has good timing...it will never be enough to rest

I had the opportunity to see Jasmine Leong, Executive Director of IEC presented a speech on 'How to Pitch a Sale' to education counsellors about IEC. It was the aim of me going to the session. That was actually my first time attending Toastmaster event. I had always been curious about it. Now that I saw how it was done, I returned home with a culture shock. I am not certain if it is something that I would want to commit for a long time. I am not ready to learn speaking skills. Also, it requires a paid membership. My current state of finance is not supportive for new hobby pursuit. I am flabbergasted by the thought that honing interpersonal communication skill is imperative to my personal development, yet I can't bring myself to the difficult learning process required through the TM experience. Last night experience shocked me to the core. I might consider joining when I am mentally ready for it. Otherwise, I will remain in stupidity.

I was all set up for it. Yet the map is still undiscovered.

' Inday,  I keluar dating ya.'  I jokes to her. This look may seem plain but it is full of emotion! Excited,  waiting,  hoping,  wonder.. mixed Feeling like a little girl who is waiting to watch the movie for the first time with her dad. Actually,  I couldn't think of anyone else whom I could spend  my two free MBo tickers with. A friend suggested a brilliant idea that I should try take my father out to watch movie. So,  this happen and funny that he likes Stephen Chow movie. mermaid happens to be on show.

Happy Chap Goh Meh But I am feeling meh..🙄 Mata bagi saman Ang Pau kena makan The year of monkey Start with no money Beli lottery Tak semestinya jadi Heart break kao kao Tak ape lah Go minum milo super kao And makan nian gao bah This poem is to remember the agony of paying a parking fine using my Cny money pocket for the first time in KK.

For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,-  1 Timothy 4:4 Rusty.. it's been awhile I last wrote a poem. But I will try and I will write about God's creation. While I count my steps as I walk nearer to the sea A special spot seem to be waiting for me An aged log longs for a seated wear There, I let the strong breeze sweep my hair Where do I begin cherishing what I see Those gifts of beauty God set before me I am glad that I made time for Him He comforts me through thick and thin Why are things the way they are? Heart-shaped leaves edge the shore to the end The long curly and foamy waves roaring  by the sound of the wind Still, the vast blue sky quiets the horizon with cottony clouds Soaring by above is an eagle gliding high in its wing spread wide Curious crabs scurry left to right across the sand bed Two white storks clench onto a swaying boat Beside them a man with a pointed straw hat Trying t...

I celebrated the day simple and meaningful. The night before I wrote couple of things down to do for the following the day. They were: 1. Get myself first manicure done. 2. Treat myself to Japanese lunch. 3. Get flowers for mom. 4. Just chill at a new place and enjoy company 5. Dinner at Archies de Corner with  cousins. Highlight: 1, I used to wonder what it was like to get a manicure done. I saw how other ladies enjoyed it very much. While it is late, I managed to experience it and seeing my nails being pampered. I realized how precious my hands are and praised them for having done so many things in the past. I always fail to give them credit. Looking at them made me see the potential I have had and have in me. Breakthrough: 1. There was always a fear in me when I wanted to visit mom on the hill. I made it safe today alone when carefully walked past other chambers and finally placed the bouquet of flower which I bought earlier, on her bed. I wouldn't be here if no...

I will write about how my last day of being 30 was like... Time flies... The last 14 days have been amazing. If I don't recall,  maybe I wouldn't have acknowledge God's blessing on me. Actually, I hadn't feel alone at all but I thought otherwise. And today turned my negative perspective  180 degree. Days have been filled with the presence of loved ones. God has always been comforting me all along. It is good thing that I recognised His love through the people He sent to me since the last week of January. It was beyond my expectation. All started with Joon Kee,  Juin,  Tze Feng,  Thong Wei Li,  and Lok Yukians as the appetiser.. .. then the Cny started with relatives,  family and cousins... as the main course ... attending Mei Yong''s open house and having watch lion dance + firecrackers .. ending with dessert my celebration of early birthday surprised by my brother himself on Valentine... While i went through this,  I reflected that...

Comfortably feeling my full tummy,  feeling the soft bed,  I relaxed to reading drama cap series. In the background,  firecrackers sounded in the air. The sudden gun liked bang made my heart leaps. I wondered why this time I find them pleasing to the ears and heart. Each bang seem to mark the end of something - trying to figure out - the heart cheered along as I saw the colorful crackers in the sky. It is peculiar this time I found reasons to enjoy hearing them.  Before they meant nothing to my heart because there was nothing to celebrate about... since grieving over my mother last year.  But now,  I felt the still moment,  that every year I stayed in the same place to hear these firecrackers,  they are constant but the mind,  heart and soul seemed to change.  I felt that I had been brought back to past time,  the mind reminded to 3 years back and fast forwarded now,  everything  I felt about those years melted away....

I really miss her. I guess she means a lot to me. The longer a friendship with someone,  the harder the separation. Her presence is an evidence of my once lived life in Sandakan.  It just felt like a dream to be with her. Why am I being so blessed by her? What does it mean to be with her?  Is life better with just watching others moving on while I remain stagnant? Is my time right being here? Seeing  many really encourages to start thinking about my future - can I dare to wish for oversea again? Is enjoying each other present is what I meant to do first for now. Where are we both heading? As long  as I believe that we will meet again when we are willing to spend the time and energy. Our friendship is marked by the memories we had done together. That is the depth of our friendship.  We change perspective but not the ties between us.  I remember the time we always have lunch together in school. I remember we always walked to class from class. I remembe...