Count My Blessing in Sabah: The Beginning

This might be the end of our class. Thinking back,  I am glad that I gave it a shot when nobody else does. It is as expected of me.  It is so important to give yourself a credit for the things you did even though you feel that it meant nothing. I had dwelt too long in this mindset that I am not important in this community. I believer God has prepared a greater thing.  That is double fold of the class,  would come for my attention.

After a day's work (thank God to His grace and strength),  I am able to write this entree about memories with my bestie again. This one is written after a day when I sent her to the airport. So,  I hope to record the fresh details of her visit here before they slowly fades away.  When I look back at this entree,  I hope to be reminded and recalled things that we used to do,  say,  laughed or worried. Where should I start from? Hmm... oh yes!!  While writing this,  I am facing the dress that is hanging on the door. I left it there readily as an attire to Sunday service morning..seeing it reminds me of Wei Li.  She came in time for my comfort and joy. We went to shopping at Imago.  The mall is always my favourite place to go after church.  The last time I've been there was with my father for a movie. I used to go there alone but I stop doing so when I promise myself to only go shopping with a friend. I love checking out apparels ...

Today's sermon by Pastor Philip was about miracle. Usually I am not very sensitive about this title but today it disturbed me very much. The pastor describe 5 points to receiving miracle. He also shared about how he received his first miracle in his family,  when God brought back his daughter to life. He seem to press on about how we should continue to believe and have faith that Jesus does miracle. I felt a sense of unfairness because I questioned why wasn't there a miracle happened when I also had prayed very hard, sought God,  attended healing talks,  yet mom also left. Did I not do enough to step out and receive His miracle? I couldn't take in the sermon anymore and so I left the hall,  not wanting to date my inner conflict relating to miracle. It is wasn't that I didn't believe the existence of miracle, but I do, it was that my heart seem cold towards a faith that I deserve a miracle. I know mom is doing well up there with Him. I just feel indifferent to t...

"A son is like his father. The day I lost my father,  the day I lost myself." It was like that the same feeling I had when I lost my mother. It was the day I lost myself too. I know that feeling very well. Since then,  it I was hard to find myself,  my identity.  The drama Doctor,  couldn't be so real until that line was said by Doctor Hong. It break a wall in me,  making me realised that I am responsible to search for myself again. It make me realised that I could end my grief because I am more alert now,  and conscious of myself. As long as I search for what seem true to me,  I have found myself. As long as I find my own life philosophy,  I have made my identity. I am not lost because I can recreate my life without her,  yet still cherish her and our memories.

Felt embarrassed to be escorted out from the shop by the owner of October cafe. I should have followed my instinct to leave the cafe instead of hoarding a big table to myself for studying. I will never go back again even though the owner meant well to me.

I could say being here in the tuition centre,  is nothing like being any other places,  because it was actually my first time cooking with other teachers in a big group,  not having to separate our jobs,  but taking up and supporting each other,  brings a whole new level of work team.  It was the best experience ever had in a team. Learning from each other through observation,  every class is never the same,  operation is never the same,  being  with people of adaptability &  flexibility,  made my existence ever more fun. That was why I am so happy with this week although the chore could be tiring,  inspiring the kids with food made all learning  fun. I would say I learned so much here than in a cell group,  which is kinda weird.. suppose it should be the other way round? December 10 - I submitted the above picture to Zespri contest and I won Popular Bookstore vouchers worth RM 100!! Lucky me!

I don't understand why but I feel tired....not physically...but spiritually, I am tired of helping people. In a way, i can't help it because it has always been my nature to help others. I used to find joy doing that , but not lately, when I have an urge to leave a place as soon as possible, not wanting to succumb to orders . As a matter of fact, I seem to be hating the place where I am standing. I am always in the position of helping someone my cousin with her tuition centre church- the ministry with the poor and working under a church leader my family - helping my father with housechores if needed church cell group - helping with cleaning and others seem like it is always an endless helping is there any point in time where I would get to lead something?