You can choose to love on two ways.

This whole week, I was covered with a heavy emotion. An inner conflict of hatred, jealousy and loneliness.

I struggled to come out from the shell of darkness and tears. It was so suffocating that the only place for me breather was being outside of the house.

I pour out my heart to my yiyi. I think her role as a counselor helped me to process my inner feelings and thoughts. Thanks to her counselling I was able to answer my own question.

Why did I bear with all this emotion? What made me do so when I could feel otherwise?

I can choose to love in two ways. To love someone in hatred/expectation or to love someone as they are.

I loved with an expectation of return. It was I who was being conditional of them whereas situation can be the other way round. I had love out of spite. But now knowing that, I felt peaceful about when I realized that I should love with acceptance. That made all the different.

I love my family so much that I was scared to lose them so much so feelings of hatred, envy and loneliness took over my heart. I wanted them to change yet I was the one needed to change my heart felt about them. Instead of asking expectation from them, and ask myself how to love them conditionally.

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