Understanding My Feeling As a tutor


This is a picture of a perspective from my vision when I sit at the coffee table, looking towards the open space in the company where I am currently giving tutoring. Every day I will arrive this place at 5.45 pm.

I am standing as an outsider. Although I get the glimpse of the office each day, I won't say that I actually understand the nature of their work. I mean, I am one of the users of an online shopping website, but to understand the life of the programmer, his life is seen here in this office. I really cannot tell what they do by just looking at them looking at their monitors.

My feeling was good today. I was high of hope and full of eagerness. During this time, I had turned to an idealist. I was dreaming away the moments when I teach, I feel cool and the student would understand every single thing I taught them.

Then again, that expectation do not match with the expectation of the students. It turned out not idealistic anymore, instead I felt remorse then at the beginning of the class.

I wonder what made me feel the way I felt tonight.Was I sad because of the money? Not reallly. Was I sad that after lesson plan, the excitement worn down by disappointment? It could be. I rationalized that money is not everything. It is the joy of teaching that fuels my soul. The joy of not teaching another student disappointed me. 

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