Confession of an innocent girl lol!

Dear Adrian,
You are probably bored while waiting for boarding. I like to share with you something I wrote this morning. I don't expect anything but your understanding. Just treat it as a morning reading digest if you would. Next time I will expect myself to be more carefree and be myself. *Smile*

Have a safe flight!

Cheers,
Angie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Matthew 7:12
So in everything ,do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and Prophet.

I have not been very real about my feelings tonight.

I lied about the housemate , I detoured and skipped meeting him. All because of the fear to be rejected.

I failed to value my own thoughts. I was too concern about his perception. I know I really wanted to see him , and I didn't , despite having had driven the empty streets at night, first time for someone, almost lost my way to the hotel, discouraged by the road construction , fear of the dark sky, yet mesmerized by the beautiful city lights, kept going until I saw the word Novotel on Jalan Kia Peng.

There, different voices were in my head. If only, I had been myself (or try not to be too much of myself) those voices would be out of my mind. I think too much and not taking the action.  Those voices were fighting each other like...

What if he thinks you are crazy...
But..I know he would be surprised by my visit

 Maybe he would scorn you for coming out late into the night...(like your brother always would)...
I don't think he is the kind who has a bad temper

Don't you think you are too obvious about your feelings
But we are just friends ,  nothing wrong to treat him a good night out ,also those feelings were years back and nothing more can be done.

 I want to pass him the pineapple tarts...
Nah...he won't be able to eat it..he is full ..not like he get to bring it back to Australia.

 I want to show him the view of KL from the top.
But the last time you went up to Ampang Lookout point, it was closed.

 I could treat him to a sky bar nearby.
Would he be up for it at this hour of the night? Where would you go? You don't know any place.

 Maybe I should just call him and see what happens
Are you sure? What would say to him? You got nothing in your mind.

 Couldn't stand all these voices, I drove past the hotel and jammed on the accelerator. The drive on the familiar road of Federal Highway was full of silence and the night is still young. In less than 20 minutes, I was home. The moment I stepped out from the car, I learned that the city is kind and gentle. Nothing to fear about it anymore.

Curiosity striked! Like how should I tell him what I felt before? How do I know if he was all right about my visit. How do I ask without being too obvious? Can I just be direct like I always have if I have question? Would it hurt my pride? Then I would not being vulnerable and trust our friendship. I walked into the dark unit and to find my housemate is not back yet.

So I lied to get an answer. I found it and satisfied to know he was not as what I think things above would happen. My heart jumped to see his text about open to meet up but sleep became the poultice to my soul. Soon, my eyes closed to a dream of possible imagination but I know it was going to be a sleepless night wrestling with the word 'confession.'






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