Frustration the day before CNY

30 th night before the Chinese New Year.

The  atmosphere of celebrating CNY seem way more quiet than before. 

What is the purpose of coming back. 

Cousin's leg became bad. 

I have no idea what everyone is doing now. 
Everyone just seem to be doing their own things without collaborating.

Dad just ordering the maid around. Everything seem to be messy at home. How could someone own so many things at home and yet not feel disorientated around those items?

I tried to change but it is not easy when there are so much to be done here.Who is to manage this house? My organization existed for a reason. What is my authority in this house?

I can understand why mom would not feel respected for constantly being scolded by two guys in the house. She probably lose so much confidence from these reprimandation.

I did not care about how dad scolded me because I am firm to my own decision. Mainly, notbecause I do not honor him, I feel frustrated not being value as someone who is capable of owning my work in the house. There is no praise and appreciation to begin with in the house.

Some times, the way they speak to me in loud voices make feel that I am not welcome in the house or that my contribution is not accepted at all.

Why did I waste my time being here anyway?

Anyway, I kept my calm because I know that I am doing the lantern for myself as the goal while I am being here in KK.

If I am to come back in KK, I can imagine the kind of life that I lead. One that is secluded and away from family member who also seem to not care about what I am doing.

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