Figure me up Lord

Lord Jesus,

I have so many faults in me. I know that even though I still hold sin of the past, You continue to love me by forgetting my past.

Strengthen me Lord so that I seek Your love and not of the outside world. Yes, this is a great struggle. When others are moving forward, I am still in my same position.

Show me Lord the meaning of love that You always say have for me.  I want to find my way back in You again. Fill me with the spirit and lead me to the will which You had planned.

Each day, I am getting more lost than ever.

I see my friends and family. I see a brokennes in me. I have not cried but always just shove my feelings in. I don't want to be strong. I want to stop pretending that I am. All I look for is someone to understand my situation.

Lord, what did I do to be where I am? I seem feel stuck. I seem to feel not going forward. I seem to covet or fill my head with thoughts of friends on Facebook who is doing so much better than me. I seem to miss the chance when I had it before me.

In all these , I want to hold on You even more. I am sorry. I dont know what else to do. If only mom is there, I would know how. Now, I am only seeking to hear Your voice. Just to tell me that I am doing all right. I dont need to ask for Your direction. At least can I know that You are there. How do I find you again?

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